This post is called giving flowers. I am at the headquarters for 1-800-Flowers, answering questions like, “Why didn’t I just call them?” and “What do you mean you don’t know our number?” and “If you’re allergic, that’s even more of a reason not to be here, isn’t it?” Questions like that! But you know what, I need to give Brent Rooker (1-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam, 23, and legs, 6) his flowers. This will begin my nine-month-long crusade for you to draft Rooker next year only to get to April 15th of 2025 and have people be like, “Hey, Grey, handsome face, do you like Brent Rooker?” Yes, I freakin’ like Brent Rooker! He has 23 homers on July 23rd. Coincidence? I think not! [reading definition of what a coincidence is] Actually, yes, it is a coincidence. He’s on pace for 35/10 season and still underrated. As BDon tells me on this week’s podcast, the A’s were the top offense in July, and that is in large part to Brent Rooker (though Lawrence Butler (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer) played a hand like he’s The Thing from The Addams Family; Shea Langeliers (1-for-4, 19th homer) did his part; Seth Brown (2-for-4) hit his 8th homer yesterday, and Zack Gelof (1-for-4) hit his 13th). But this is about Rooker’s flowers! I just want to let you feast your eyes on this:
Give Brent Rooker his flowers, I scream, pounding on the 1-800-Flowers doors. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jeremy Pena – 3-for-4 and a slam (9) and legs (12), hitting .282. Way to be a JP, unlike…
J.P. Crawford – Hit the IL with a fractured finger. Just Pinkie is not his name, it’s where he said he was injured. Mariners should consider another J.P. as in just pitching, because they have no hitting. Dylan Moore could see, uh, more playing time.
Julio Rodriguez – Hit the IL with a high ankle sprain. He’s been such a nightmare. Couldn’t have the decency to go on the IL on Monday before weekly lineups locked? I am not having a very good time!
Luis Rengifo – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs as he was activated from the IL. I have him for all that eligibility so I could’ve slotted him for JRod on my teams! I am having a very, very bad time!
Mike Trout – Removed from his rehab game with soreness in his surgically repaired knee. God is not a fan of the Angels.
Jose Soriano – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.51. Streamonator loved this start, and you have to ask yourself, “Who wouldn’t you start vs. the M’s?”
Jhonkensy Noel – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. Honk-SEE!
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer. Joe-SEE!
Steven Kwan – 2-for-3 and his 10th homer. Happy Kwan-SA!
Wenceel Perez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in a week. Forget if I mentioned this here or on the pod, but I grabbed Wenceel in a few places last week because he was hot and I was desperate. About 50/50 on each.
Albert Suarez – 2 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.48. In my RCL, I grabbed Suarez on Monday, but I had to drop him to grab someone else (maybe Daniel Hudson), and, when I dropped Suarez, someone else grabbed him. “My God, mon, you fell for literally the oldest trick in the book, mon.” Name that movie.
Jesus Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer. It is so hard to get excited about any bats on the Marlins. I want to be a believer in Jesus, but, sadly, I blame my upbringing.
Jose Berrios – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.08. Trade him to San Diego or Seattle or somewhere decent and revitalize my man, please. Joe Berry Berry unappealing.
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 17th homer. He had four homers in April and May combined, and one homer in March. I’ll do the math for you: He had 12 homers in June and July. A 35-homer pace is way more like it. The problem with a 35-homer pace is if you’re not perfect for a month or two, as he was in April and May, then you’re more like a 27-homer guy vs. 35 homer. It’s a quibble, p to the erhaps, but you want 35 homers not 27. I know you.
Brandon Lowe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 5th homer in July. One more than Vladdy in July, for what it’s Cronenworth.
Justin Turner – 3-for-4 and his 6th homer. That was his first home run this year. Oh, sorry, no it wasn’t. Only felt that way.
Paul Skenes – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.93. Skenes is like, “I’m not going to win the Rookie of the Year. I’m going to win the Cy Young.”
Lance Lynn – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.17. Clearly, Lance Lynn’s crotch grabs > Skenes.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Hey, wanna see my copy of The Feminine Mystique? It’s a 1st Edition. My wife says it’s why she married me. Here, it’s by this open window–NOOOOOO!!! Torenado!
Jackie Bradley Jr. – Signed by the Mets. You ever hear about how he walked three times in his professional debut in 2013? It was a thing of beauty.
Saw the Mets signed Jackie Bradley Jr. so I went to his Wiki and y’all might want to sit down for this pic.twitter.com/JHkqIPfttf
— Razzball (@Razzball) July 23, 2024
Christian Scott – Hit the IL with a UCL sprain. Wish I could give this the amount of worry it likely deserves, but why does this IL stint coincide so perfectly with Senga returning? Either way, Scott was Mets’d. Hopefully, it’s Eppler Mets’d and not Mets’d Mets’d.
Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 4.02. Streamed Quintana yesterday in Yankee Stadium, because of the insanely awful, dogshizz lineup the Yanks were throwing out there. They had J.D. Davis (0-for-3) hitting cleanup behind Judge. I can only imagine it’s because Boone saw J.D. Martinez in the Mets’ lineup and got an idea.
Jeff McNeil – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. My Buy column will be out to Patreons today, and I mention it now, because the very hot schmotato McNeil will be in there.
Luis Gil – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (1 BB), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.10. Not haha funny, but Gil, who supposedly has awful control, saw his opponent, Quintana, throw five times as many walks.
Jasson Dominguez – Took live batting practice. Dot dot dot. And I looked to stash him everywhere I could. Only two months ago I was like, “Yanks have no place for Dominguez to play,” now I’m thinking he might hit leadoff or third.
Gleyber Torres – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Do you touch him next year in drafts at, say, 225 overall? Not sure I do, tee bee aitch.
Tyler Fitzgerald – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer that’s five homers in five games. Gimme the Fitzies! [shaking, convulsing] I gotta have him! I do like him, but it is hilarious how the Giants have one great hitter every week, but only one and it’s never the same one. Conforto called next!
Landon Knack – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.07. Don’t know what the Dodgers are planning with their rotation once Kershaw and Glasnow return, but Knack could remain. Do you want him in mixed leagues? Meh, 15-teamers, sure. Can’t see it in shallower, outside of matchups.
Christian Yelich – Sounds like he’s headed to the IL with recurring back pain. Backs don’t get better with age. Bit of a ball drop by God.
Colin Rea – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.60 vs. Jameson Taillon – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.96. This was a matchup of two guys who are unwanted by you, but are likely both better than the last starter on your teams.
Jon Gray – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.73. Gray is the greatest to ever do it–Oh, Jon? It was vs. the White Sux. Streamonator hates his next, and I don’t trust him, but I already started him in a two-start weekly league so wheeeeee!
Garrett Crochet – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.07. He can’t possibly want to stay on the White Sux.
Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. If anyone in your league ever picks up Benintendi, you are required to DM them and tell them they have marbles in their head.
Simeon Woods Richardson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.27 vs. Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.55. This matchup was billed as, “[going around to strangers and screaming] Swrheeler!”
DJ Herz – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.95, as he returned from the minors. Wonder if Herz returned via a Hertz. [wavy lines, seeing my inner thoughts] Herz is at a Hertz rental car counter and the employee is saying, “Why do you keep writing our company name? Are you stupid?” [wavy lines, ending inner thoughts] Oh, wow.
Randy Vasquez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 4.17. Thought you might be wondering so I went to look at Vasquez’s peripherals and they’re hilariously awful. It’s such a weird year for “not very good” pitchers.
Jurickson Profar – 1-for-5 and his 15th homer. The Jurick store called and it wants you back! Seriously, go back already!
Luis Arraez – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer. Arraez’s homer had an expected batting average of .280. His xBA on the year went down on a homer. Smart stat!
Jordan Montgomery – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 6.11, as he was activated from the IL. Picked up right where he left off (last year when he was actually decent). If JoMo is a thing again, and I don’t know off one start, then I’m interested.
Ketel Marte – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, 2nd homer in two games. Wonder if he could sneeze on Corbin Carroll for me. After drinking a witch’s brew of boiled frog teats. I’m just trying to see something.
Tyler O’Neill – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 19th and 20th homer. Dreaming about Tyler O’Neill as a Rockies outfielder and thinking the reality would be a guy who would hit five homers in the first ten days, then got injured on April 12th of his 1st year, and stay injured until the end of the 7th year of his deal. Speaking of which…
Kris Bryant – 0-for-3, hitting .180, as he was activated from the IL. I’d say he’s back, but you say that three times and he suffers from lower back pain.
Austin Riley – Out on paternity leave. That clears up some of my suspicion that he’s forgot how to dong.
