Walking down the street of Pittsburgh, talking to Yinzers to get their thoughts on Paul Skenesās debut, and the people were chatty with anecdotes. I told them about how Skenes could be the best pitcher in baseball and they told me about when they saw Dale Berra and Dave Parker pull out a baggie of coke, put french fries on top of it ā the Pittsburgh-way, as they said ā and snort the whole thing, fries and all. This debut, the Yinzers say, was more exciting than that. So, Paul Skenes (4 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks) with the biggest debut since Strasburg in 2010. Or thatās what everyone is saying. Since everyone is comparing him to Strasburg in 2010, I did some āresearchā and looked up Strasburgās rookie year stats, and ā damn! ā Iād take that from Skenes: 5-3/2.91/1.07/92 in 68 IP. Thatās a 12.2 K/9. Insane. On the Historical Player Rater, that wasnāt a top 25 starter year in 2010. It was not enough innings then, and wouldnāt be now. Also, I donāt think Skenes will get enough this year, and he looked. Dot dot dot. Fine. He was hit around a bit and couldnāt locate. One start is neither here nor there. If you can sell high on the back of hype? I could see it because he most definitely wonāt be worth anywhere close to what people think this year. Now, excuse me, Dale Berra and Dave Parker are asking if I can transport some baby powder. Not sure why they canāt themselves, but anything for old friends! Anyway, hereās what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
KeāBryan Hayes ā Hit the IL with āboy, this guy sucks, huh?ā Unsure how long the recovery is from that.
Oneil Cruz ā 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Better get moving if youāre going to inconceivably drop him.
Justin Steele ā 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.73. Hey, real talk, he hasnāt gone more than 4 2/3 IP in any of his three starts this year.
Christopher Morel ā 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. A morel is a type of mushroom; a Morel is a much-boom that grows in May.
Patrick Wisdom ā 3-for-4 and a slam (2) and legs (3), hitting .321. Wisdom was in Fridayās Buy, because I have wisdom. Lower case.
Jesus Luzardo ā 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.97 as he was activated from the IL. Usually when a player of Luzardoās magnitude comes off the IL, I do a Kevin from ESPN goof and move on, but I didnāt here because I donāt know what to expect from Luzardo anymore. He looked solid on Saturday, but is that it? Heās fine now? On a terrible team? I donāt know, guys and five girls. I have a bad feeling about Luzardo thatās based less on his stuff in his first start back, and more on my gut.
Braxton Garrett ā 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 8.44 in his first start since the IL. Luzardo did what I expected from Braxton and Braxton did what I expected from Kyle Hendricks and Hendricks didāAny hoo! Holding Braxton for another start, but prolly on my bench.
Josh Bell ā 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Oh wow, never saw that before, as he circled the bases on that homer, he held a sign with his agentās number and a copy of his no-trade clause on fire.
Nick Castellanos ā 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. The Greek God of Hard Contact hit that homer for his mother and her mustache.
Zack Wheeler ā 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.53. Baseball is such a goof, I love it. Arguably the top SP in baseball vs. one of the worst teams in a pitchersā park and he gets hit.
Pete Fairbanks -Activated from the IL. You can stop speculating on random Raysā relievers now. Thank you for your service, Jason Adam. See ya later, Cleavinger. Alf veedersing, Shawn Armstrong.
Zack Littell ā 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.02. His last name is pronounced Lie-DEL, but I always say it like heās a mouse voiced by Michael J. Fox.
Yandy Diaz ā 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer. Elevate your dongs, big boy! (Donāt take out of context.)
Luis Gil ā 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.51. Even though heās pitching for the Yanks, heās been relatively quiet of hype and fantastic.
Jahmai Jones ā 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Jahmai is a part of the chorus in Lionel Richieās All Night Long.
Jose Trevino ā 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer, hitting .293. Those homers were to illustrate a point: the Rays pitching is no longer good.
Aaron Judge ā 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Hmm, maybe I shouldnāt have traded him to my mom for Alec Bohm. Ugh, it was Motherās Day though, and she said take it or leave it.
Gleyber Torres ā 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .208. āHey, Norman Bates, is that your mother in the attic and Gleyberāhold on! He moved! Gleyber is alive!ā There might still be time to buy low on Gleyber.
Paul Goldschmidt ā 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Au Shizz, though more like, āOh shizz I didnāt know he was still playing.ā
Cooper Criswell ā 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.10. Once again Iām surprising myself by saying Criswell looks, well, good. Streamonator hates his next start, but I could see it.
Brayan Bello ā 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.13 as he was activated from the IL. Couldnāt wait until Monday? Clearly, the Red Sox donāt play in a weekly league.
Jake Irvin ā 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Did the Nats hire a new pitching coach? Their pitchers are looking a lot better this year. Irvinās numbers look remarkably similar to Criswell, and canāt say Iām starting Irvin in his next, but Iām ready to monocle.
Eddie Rosario ā 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and a slam (5) and legs (6), 2nd homer in two games, third homer in four games and fourth homer last week, and fifth homerāWell, you get it. Hot schmotato alert!
Alek Manoah ā 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.91. Hard to see where this Manoah start came from until you consider the Jays told Manoah he was taking on the Twinkies. If you think one decent start has me going anywhere near Manoah, you donāt know how much I prefer to win my fantasy leagues vs. lose them.
Carlos Santana ā 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and his 3rd homer in three games. Oye como yay!
Bailey Ober ā 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Not sure if anyoneās ever made their team better by rage-dropping a guy after a bad start in April.
Cole Ragans ā 6 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.22. If I point out every time Ragans sucks, Iāll make Mr. T horny.
James Paxton ā 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.58. Pax started off with awful peripherals, and now theyāre merely dreadful.
Andres Gimenez ā 1-for-4, and his 2nd homer. And-Gim isnāt just Pamās plus one!
Logan Allen ā 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.56. This was vs. the White Sux and a straight Streamonator call like you make to the other Logan Allen. No, not that one, the one thatās a furniture store.
Cristian Javier ā 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.01, as he was activated from the IL. Since I was avoiding Javier in every league, and told everyone to avoid him, I canāt say Iām incredibly saddened by this development. Only sorry that it wasnāt Monday, so weekly leaguers couldāve started him.
Justin Verlander ā 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.38. I donāt have a crystal ball, but if I had to guess, leaving Verlander in your lineup all year, and heāll be more good than bad. I say this because of his roughly 17 years of track record.
Kyle Tucker ā 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Astrosā lineup has become, Tucker and a bunch of underperforming mother-uckers!
Jack Flaherty ā 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.88. He looks so much better than his ERA, and his ERA isnāt that bad. Cool that the Cards wonāt be known for only giving away future All-Star outfielders.
Spencer Torkelson ā 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Beverly Hills Cop, Bad Boys of NBA and this home run by Torkelson ā the best moments in Detroit history. Then the car stuff, Motown, yadda.
Dean Kremer ā 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.72, but three more unearned runs for the small-scale Box Scare.
Craig Kimbrel ā Oās manager, Brandon Hyde, said he wasnāt sure when Kimbrel would return to being the closer. If I were the manager and watching Yennier Cano pitch as well as he does, Iād ask, āDoes Kimbrel have to be the closer again? Like what if he doesnāt? Is it like the bus going under 55 MPH in Speed?ā
Adley Rutschman ā 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .304. I saw a āpert in the wild ranking catchers for ROS and Adley was like first or 2nd for them, and I had to laugh. Heās been fine, but about half as valuable as the top three catchers on the Player Rater.
Zac Gallen ā 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.86. I saw he had a no hitter through four innings, but I know no one gets through Westburg more than once, before he takes you North by Northwestburg.
Patrick Sandoval ā 6 IP, 4 ER, 11 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.00. The old adage always rings true: Never trust an Angels pitcher, remains true.
Seth Lugo ā 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.66. Game 7 of the World Series, who do you want starting Seth Lugo or Sandy Koufax? Iām going Seth Lugo, because Sandy Koufax is 88 years old.
LaMonte Wade Jr. ā 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. There was a team in your fantasy league who was dead-last in homers and now theyāre dead-last but a few homers closer to the next-to-last team.
Michael Conforto ā Hit the IL with a hamstring boo-boo, and the Giants called up Luis Matos, who is an excellent prospect who has never been excellent. You know how that goes. 30/30 guy who might go 1/3/.190 over the next two weeks.
Walker Buehler ā 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 7.36. Walker Buehlerās day off sadly happened on a start day.
Ha-Seong Kim ā Left the game after being hit on the wrist with a 94 MPH fastball. Only Eminem is happy about this.
Xander Bogaerts ā 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer. All these guys who havenāt done anything all season hitting well on Motherās Day is so typical. You call your mother once a year? Thatās it? Every day is Motherās Day, you schmohawks! Show some respect!
Fernando Tatis Jr. ā 1-for-3 and his 8th homer. FTJ! Fun The Jewels! Fun The Jewels fast!
Jake Cronenworth ā 1-for-4 and his 7th homer. Between Cronenworth and Profar, Padres have some low-key valuable but very yawnstipating players.
Yu Darvish ā 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.43. Picked up Darvish off waivers for this game in my RCL, and I get it but Darvish seems like a guy who should be rostered.
Abraham Toro ā 2-for-4 and his 4th homer. Toro usually served cold but not this week! Hey oh! High five me! No? Okay.
Brent Rooker ā 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Rooker was my best pickup in some leagues. No joke. Cust kayinā.
Bryan Woo ā Mariners said he should make his next start. Cool, any chance he can pitch more than 4 1/3 innings?
Mitch Garver ā 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Mitch donāt kill my vibe!
Julio Rodriguez ā 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. First, Torkelson, then Gleyber, and now JRod. Bring back Jordan Walker, the hex has been lifted! Or we have bouncey balls!
Seby Zavala ā 1-for-3 and his 1st home run. I bless the rains down in Zavala!
Jarred Kelenic ā 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. Funny how Snitker never used a platoon before, but now that he figured out how, heās overdoing it. Duvall coming in after a Kelenic homer because of a pitching change? Cāmon! Let Kelenic see a lefty once in a while!
Max Fried ā 7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.57, and 2nd time this year pulled with a no-hitter. Going out and doing this ā throwing a no-hitter ā the day of Skenesās debut? Disrespectful. Show deference to Skenes if not for his mustache, at least for his girlfriend. By the by, pulling Fried on 109 pitches during a no-hitter? It sucks, but either lose the pitch clock, donāt try to throw hard, or donāt let any pitcher throw more than 100 pitches ever. This isnāt Mr. Woke Hive Virus Mind speaking here, but guys canāt stay healthy.