Funny thing about the end of the season is there’s no tomorrow. It’s like James Bond shizz. I’m Goldeneye and I’m painted gold and I’m seducing you at a roulette wheel while you croupier and you can’t pay attention. I say, “There’s no tomorrow,” and you say, “Are you a calendar?” And I say, “Funny, Mr. Bond, wait that’s me in this scenario.” It’s very alluring for both of us. This part of the year is really: No Tomorrowsville. Population: Us. I say this because if this were May, I’d say sell David Peterson (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.75). He looks like a mess under the hood. Nothing is as it seems. Now? I’m shrugging and saying give me every start of his until he completely disintegrates into magnesium because of this dye I put into his gin and tonic. Sorry, Mr. Peterson, I am James, Bond that is. That’s not how he says it either, is it? Then, in an unrelated game that illustrates how you have to play matchups, Cade Povich (7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, 11Ks, ERA at 5.76). Streamed him in two leagues, and wish it was more. Know why? Streamonator? Yes, but also he was vs. the Shite Sux! Do I trust Povich? Novich. There is no tomorrow! It was a good matchup, now move on. By the by, I’ve come up with the best idea: Every game after their MLB-record loss, the White Sox should be forced to send up to the plate GM Chris Getz and owner Jerry Reinsdorf. Let’s see them wear one. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 30th homer. Feels like slowly people are starting to come around to how valuable Lindor is, but don’t think it’s fully there either. I’m as guilty as anyone, because he should likely have been a top 10 pick this year, which I didn’t do, and next year, which I likely won’t do.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. Albombso!
Mark Vientos – 1-for-4 and his 22nd homer, hitting .281. Now hitting third! [biting wrist like Lenny & Squiggy] Ugh, I’m gonna like Vientos so much next year.
Kutter Crawford – 6 IP, 2 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.08. He was simply bested by a better pitcher on a random Tuesday in September, which is not a Buzz Bissinger book.
Xavier Edwards – 0-for-5 as he was activated from the IL. Oh, my sweet boy, X-Ed is back! X-Ed where we learn how to put condoms on bananas and watch him collect runs and SBs.
Keibert Ruiz – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 13th homer. Keibert rounds the bases by hopping and yelling, “@&*?&(!*!!(%@”
Carlos Santana – 2-for-3 and his 19th homer. Santana is the only Twins’ regular who doesn’t get hurt. They should do blood transfusions with him and every player.
David Festa – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.75. He likes to karamu, he likes to Festa. Dave Party should be shut down soon, but: Do teams care about IP limits anymore?
Jeffrey Springs – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.27. ‘Member my love for Springs coming into last year? Well, you don’t have to, but it was there in a huge way. Yes, huge! What are you my prom date?
Kyle Schwarber – 5-for-6, 4 runs, 6 RBIs and his 29th, 30th, 31st homer. Not technically true, but I’m pretty sure he’s hit 31 homers in five games, and oh-for-300 in the other games. Learned my lesson in doubting The Schwarbomb, but you have to admit: Homey goes from hero to zero quicker than Ronald Miller.
Daulton Varsho – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert if he’s available, but I imagine he won’t be.
Addison Barger – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Mentioned this the other day (Monday?), but the Jays are not to be trifled with, as Samuel L. Jackson might say.
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer, hitting .328. Unrelated, but was talking about this with the Razzball writers yesterday: Bo Bichette next year is on the board at 200th overall, are you drafting him?
Chris Bassitt – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.30. That start is: Siri, show me the worst possible start while also being a semi-decent start.
Chad Green – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA up to 2.72, and his 2nd hideous outing in two. He couldn’t give up a run or two here and there? He had to give up six runs in less than two innings out of nowhere? Man, he really went sideways fast. Jays don’t really have a replacement to close. Maybe Genesis Cabrera, but he’s a lefty.
Chris Sale – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.46. Haven’t said a ton about Sale this year, but he’s been the best starter in baseball not named Skubal. Sale was drafted around 150th overall.
Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.56. I keep streaming hitters vs. the Guards’ pitchers, and that does not seem like a smart idea.
Lucas Erceg – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.88, in the 8th inning. Love when supposed closers just stop closing. It’s like the most abrupt ghosting.
Justin Steele – Scratched from his start with elbow soreness. A’la Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar screaming, “Oh c’mon!” Sucks if you were relying on him, but I hope they shut him down.
Paul Skenes – 5 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.13. Someone kidnap him for three weeks so they’re forced to shut him down. Please.
Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (21) and legs (9). Au Shizz! Saw the other day Goldschmidt tell a reporter he was not retiring after this year. Always a good sign when a player is being asked that. For what it’s Cronenworth, if Au Shizz goes 25/12/.250 this year (well within the realm of possibility), there’s worse lines.
Joey Ortiz – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Ortiz is shaping up to be one of my most boringest sleepers for next year. Just prime Grade A boring but valuable.
Jackson Chourio – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. What he is doing is not normal for a rookie. We are seeing the beginning of greatness.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – Hit the IL with a strained calf. Don’t have a cow, man.
Randal Grichuk – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer, 2nd and 3rd homer in three games, third and fourth homer in a week. Hot schmotato alert!
Christian Walker – 1-for-5, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In The Lineup Department said, “Tuesdays after a holiday are always tough. Try me again tomorrow.”
Ryne Nelson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Ryne’s showing what a barely 2 BB/9 can do for a pitcher. Make him rosterable.
Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in two games, and suddenly hitting leadoff. Carl’s Jr. Jr. now serving a hot schmotato.
Corbin Carroll – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 23rd and 24th steal. Woohoo! Way more enthused to see steals than his frequent 2nd half homers. Maybe he’s not done at 24. Who’d thunk it?
Mookie Betts – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (14). Mookie Best!
Walker Buehler – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.67 vs. Reid Detmers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.87. This matchup was billed as, “God damn it, they’re gonna make me believe again!”
Taylor Ward – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer, 2nd homer in two games, third homer in four games, as he leads off now. Why would he leadoff right when he starts hitting for power? Ron Washington said, “Wanna see helicopters?” as he rubbed his nose.
Logan O’Hoppe – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer. He is what he is, but when I saw him in the lineup I noticed Brandon Drury was hitting behind him. Drury is hitting .161! In 81 games! Holy fudge. Only I didn’t say fudge.
Lawrence Butler – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. 1st homer in September, after hitting eight in August. The ol’ 45+ homer pace. Oh, he hit 10 homers in July. The ol’ 60-homer pace! That’s right, Butler didn’t even start hitting until July.
Seth Brown – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .242, he hit .308 in August and this was his third homer in a week. If it’s Brown, don’t flush it down.
J.T. Ginn – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.30 vs. Luis Castillo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.60. This takes us back to the opening lede. Ginn or Castillo? What do the matchups say? To me (and the league) vs. the M’s is easier than vs. the A’ss.
Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.19. A sneaky terrible hitting team? Rodon’s opponent, the Rangers. Though, Clay Holmes might disagree. If you can stream against them right now, you have been advised, said like Nick Capozzi. (Throwback!) Streamonator loves Rodon’s next one yet again, by the by.
Clay Holmes – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.27, and his 11th blown save. Aaron Boone watching a fish flapping in a boat, just pulled from the water, dying for five months straight, “Just not his night, but I’m sure he’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Jon Gray – Done for the year due to his foot. Never would’ve happened with the metric system.
Wyatt Langford – 1-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in two games, as he hit the death blow off Holmes. Maybe Langford is only good in March and September. Things that make you go hmm…
Andrew Heaney – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.81. Have managed to not stream Heaney once all year and my doctor says my blood pressure is normal for a man 20 years my senior! (It was 30!)
Josh Jung – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (4), as he hit third. Finally! I liked Josh H. Smith there for a while, but Josh Hollywood-Hogan Smith hasn’t done anything in about six weeks.
Corey Seager – Sat out yesterday and will have his workload managed the rest of the season. Not to get all boomer here, but he can’t play a full season, even when healthy? Rest from October to March, you large scale baby!
