Happy Monday, Razzball faithful!
It’s your favorite patriarchal pal, MarmosDad, back for another edition of Monday madness.
The good news? I’m here! (hopefully, that’s some good news). The bad news? Today won’t be an update of the Top 100 Starting Pitchers. Grey asked us to save that for Wednesday’s open slot.
On Wednesday, I’ll have a full update of our Top 100 Starting Pitchers list that will be influenced by the ROS Player Rater rankings. I’m going to change up the format just a little bit for Wednesday as a nod to Itch. I figured I’d better give y’all what you’re looking for there..
Ok! Now that that’s all out of the way, I’m sure you’re wondering, “What are you doing here then?!” Well, I told Truss that I’d put together a little something for y’all on Monday too. It’s something I had in mind a couple of months ago, so without further ado I give you…
Before you get all excited, don’t worry. I have a high-tech formula that I follow for all of the data input, anecdotal fuel, and statistical analysis that powers the Rizz-o-meter.
You may be wondering, “WTF is Rizz?” Well, allow me to share a short video to explain.
What Is Rizz?
Thank you, Sir Muppet.
So the actual definition of “Rizz” is a shortened form of the word “charisma”. How much charisma does said person possess, and how can they share that charisma or charm in order to impress other people? Yes, the implied results are more focused on netting a relationship partner (that sounds like a good way to say it), but things are a bit different for the Razzball Rizz-o-Meter.
And before you get all crusty and impatient with the new ‘kid lingo’, let’s just remember that we’ve all been down this path before…
Our Rizz-o-Meter will act as a Rizz gauge for a select few of the Starting Pitchers from the first half of the 2024 season.
Does this pitcher have considerable upside for the second half in both redraft and keeper leagues?
Does this pitcher possess considerable appeal (trade value) in your league?
Is this arm the kind of guy that causes fantasy owners to swoon? Or is he the kind of player who makes us think he’s one wrong hanging slider away from a Skibidi Ohio rest-of-season?
All of that is part of what goes into the super-high-tech analysis for the Rizz-o-Meter. I plug the data into the machine and add in some up-to-date Player Rater rankings. Then, I’ll sprinkle in a bit of homegrown MarmosDad spices and add a dash of W-Rizz from the first half of 2024 results.
The results are as follows…We’ll take each player and assign a Rizz factor out of 5. Then, if you’re looking for a more official read on the Rizz-o-Meter, multiply that total by 20 to get your total Rizz-o-Meter reading out of 100.
I suppose the only thing left to do is introduce you to the official Rizz-o-Meter icon that we’ll use to display the assessments…
Because, of course it should be this..
All Set? Let’s Begin!
Tarik Skubal – It may seem a bit of a sandbagger move to run with our 2nd ranked arm from the Top 100 Starting Pitcher list right out of the gate here, but we needed to make sure we didn’t just analyze the average arms with the Rizz-o-Meter. Call it a good test run, just to get the juices flowing.
As for Skubal, you can read more about what I had to say about Skubal in the July 1st article here. Slotting him into the “Terry Fox” category in that article was a pretty big honor, but for a guy like Skubal it’s one that is well earned.
In draft season, Skubal was the SP11 according to NFBC data. Although there was quite a bit of buzz surrounding the young Tigers SP in the spring, I think I’m not alone in assuming that many managers who drafted one of the 10 arms ahead of Skubal would have rather selected the 10-3 Dazzler from Detroit.
10 wins, 116 IP, 81 H, 31 ER, 21 BB, 140 K, 2.41 ERA, 0.879 WHIP?
That’s a 5/5 or a cool 100% on the Rizz-o-Meter.
Marcus Stroman – Oh. Oh, we’re really going there? Someone once said that you take the good with the bad, so if we started with the good then we should probably have a peek in at the not-so-good.
Marcus Stroman signed with the Yankees in January and was expected to be an integral cog in the New York rotation. Giancarlo Stanton, Aaron Judge, Juan Soto, DJ LeMahieu, Anthony Rizzo, Anthony Volpe? Yep. That’s a loaded offense. Signing Stroman was supposed to be a solid move.
When we sort the first half MLB stats by BB/9, Stroman ranks 2nd!…If the numbers are sorted from worst to best. Coincidentally, Stroman’s 4.03 BB/9 is ‘better’ than only teammate Luis Gil’s 4.31 BB/9. Stroman’s K/BB comes in at a league-worst 1.66, and his K/9 is a very underwhelming 6.69 (9th worst in the league).
All of that has mixed together leaves Stroman with 7 first half wins, 105 IP, 92 H, 41 ER, 47 BB, 78 K, 3.51 ERA, 1.324 WHIP.
Sorry, Marcus, but the Rizz-o-Meter spit out a 1/5 or 20% for you.
Gavin Williams – This guy was one of my “Marmo Buys” from waaaaaay back in late February – early March. You remember those, right? Grayson Rodriguez, Gavin Williams, Nick Lodolo, Michael King were all names that got the coveted stamp of Marmo approval…
Well, a funny thing happened on the way to fulfilling the promise of a stellar season …right elbow inflammation sent the 24 year-old Guardians SP to the IL for the better part of the first half.
At 6’6”, 238 lbs, Williams was a popular sleeper pick for 2024. A 95 MPH fastball, with an 87 MPH slider, and 76 MPH curveball is a recipe for tasty results, and a lot of people were hoping for a breakout for the big righty.
His first game back on July 3rd was a rough one (4 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 Ks), but his two follow-up starts were much more encouraging. Increasing his pitch count, lowering his hits allowed, and giving up just one earned run total in those two starts means Gavin gets…
A 3/5 on the Rizz-o-Meter for a 60% passing grade. After the processing of Williams, there was a paper slip that shot out of the Rizz-o-Meter that read: “Could go up as high as a 4 or 5 depending on second half health and success”. What a kind and considerate piece of technology.
Kevin Gausman – OF COURSE we head North to the frozen tundra that is Toronto (as I peek at the Weather Network app that shows a Heat Warning for the T.Dot with a high of 95 degrees).
In March, the whispers were that Gausman was not going to be ready for the start of the season. “General shoulder fatigue” was the official announcement with the added “MRI shows no structural damage”. Excellent! That’s just enough of a negative tidbit to scare others away! It’ll leave the Canada Goose as an SP1 who we could draft in the 3rd or 4th round!
The problem? Well, there isn’t just one.
The hits are way up, the splitter is not splitting, the hard hit % is the second worst in his career, (43.0 compared to his 43.3% from last year), and he ‘owns’ the 10th worst BABIP in MLB at .314.
Whenever I heard the term, “Your goose is cooked”, I would immediately think of the song “High Plains Drifter” by Beastie Boys.
Now, it makes me think of the starting pitcher who the Player Rater has slotted in as the 75th SP.
At least he’s still striking out a hitter per inning? And he’s posted three 10 K games since late-May?
7 wins, 104 IP, 109 H, 52 ER, 27 BB, 104 K, 4.50 ERA, 1.308 WHIP
“Hey Google, is ‘vomitous’ a real word?”
A very cold 2/5 on the Rizz-o-Meter for Gausman. All I know is 40% is much lower than his ownership percentage is.
Make Way For The Rizzler King…
Paul Skenes – Speaking of “OF COURSE”, we’ve finally arrived at the pinnacle of the mountain.
Skenes should be a top 10 SP in drafts next year. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him taken in the Top 5.
Let’s look at the cold, hard facts for our boy Paul Skenes.
11 GS, 6-0 record, 66.1 IP, 48 H, 14 ER, 13 BB, 89 K, 1.90 ERA, 0.920 WHIP.
Um…excuse me?
Oh, and I found a graphic that he was one of just FOUR pitchers to record multiple games with ZERO hits and 10 Ks in a single season.
The other three? Nolan Ryan, Max Scherzer, and Justin Verlander.
But…oh wait…it’s also just been announced that he will be the starting pitcher for the NL in tomorrow’s All-Star Game.
Uh…he’s not in line to win the ERA title! There! That’s a good point, no? I mean, it’s not like he’s so good that they’d specifically reference him on the main MLB stats page, right?!
When the league specifically mentions you right below the sortable menus on their stats page…that’s usually a good thing.
*Beeps, clicks, and loud clangs start emanating from the Rizz-o-Meter. It starts to shake and bounce like a possessed washing machine.*
Hold on! I thought you said this was a Rizz-o-Meter! That means this guy has to have some sort of legitimate W-Rizz, too! There’s no way he’s this good in baseball AND this good in REAL LIFE!
The Ace of the Allegheny and his Pirate Princess
A 6/5 on the Rizz-o-Meter!? That’s a 120/100!
*smoke starts billowing out of the Rizz-o-Meter and flames start to shoot out the sides*
Oh no. Things aren’t looking good for a 2025 “Second Annual Rizz-o-Meter article”.
The only thing that we could criticize here is something that Skenes himself cannot even control. The Pirates will likely give him the ‘kid gloves’ treatment and shut him down with a hard cap. He’ll probably throw fewer than 50 innings the rest of the way.
Otherwise, I don’t think anyone can realistically argue that Paul Skenes is the biggest SP story of the year and deserves the title of “Rizzler King”.
I hope you enjoyed it, folks! Come on back on Wednesday this week to have a peek at the updated Top 100 Starting Pitchers list!
I hope you’re all doing well, and have a GREAT All-Star Break week!
Follow me @marmosdad on Twitter/X and Bluesky @marmosdad.bsky.social
