Cool Colt Keith aka Dr. Octagon aka Dr Doom aka Hey That’s Colt Keith Not Colt 45, Stop Trying To Crack Open His Head And Drink Him, Billy Dee aka White Elvis aka Poppa Large aka Dicky Long Docking aka Guy who is top 100 on the 30-day Player Rater aka Guy who has 2B and 3B eligibility aka Guy who is likely going to be a sleeper next year aka top 20 overall on the 7-day Player Rater aka Guy who is hitting 2nd in a terrible lineup but that gives him security aka Keith, Colt On Standardized Tests aka Top prospect who didn’t click maybe at first but is clicking now aka Guy who people expected he would hit 30+ homers and .280+ aka Guy who’s showing great plate discipline for a rookie aka Guy who says “Oh, yeah, totally” about everything even stuff he doesn’t understand aka Guy who calls up Macy’s and asks if they have Dreamcatchers aka Guy to pick up this week in fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
SIKE! This post was released on Wednesday for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Ben Rice – He has a chance to be a top five catcher this 2nd half, if he’s hitting leadoff or cleanup. That if/then statement isn’t quite as crazy as it sounds. Know why? Because he has been hitting leadoff or cleanup every game!
Keibert Ruiz – For most of this season, I’ve been ruing Ruiz. Clever points secured! This past week it’s not just chicken piccata I’m putting Keibert’s on! Clever point demerits!
Jon Singleton – The problem with picking up a player right now is you have two days to “ride the donkey” as they say in Tijuana, then said donkey will be put away until next week, and they might get cold. Next Friday, I’ll give you my All-Star Break Buy/Sell where I give you players to trade who are over 50% rostered, but this Friday is a weird one. Any hoo! Giving you some background on these break schmotatoes.
Juan Yepez – Spanish for a “sarcastic yippee” is Yepez.
Rowdy Tellez – In an incredible turn of events, Tellez, Joshua Palacios, Jack Suwinski and all Pirates are hot. I won’t be listing them separately, but Jack/Palace are especially interesting. Now hit the deck and give me ten pushups!
Jose Miranda – Not only should he be rostered in 100% of leagues (think he’s in 85%, tee bee aitch), I’m currently debating whether or not he should be in the top 100 for the 2nd half (out this Tuesday).
Jorbit Vivas – Called up by the Yankees with J.D. Davis hitting the IL. He should’ve been up weeks ago to replace Gleyber or instead of them getting J.D., but the Yanks love to develop prospects and then never play them. So, Jorbit hits the ball into [slowly looks both ways] orbit. Was hitting .329 with a 1.080 OPS over the last 20 games. 5 HRs, 8 SBs and .258 in Triple-A in 37 games. Absolutely AL-Only, but everyone is in the AL. Does he play enough for mixed leagues? Cloudy with a chance for meatJorbs. Worth a monocle, at least.
Luis Garcia Jr. – He has an outside chance at a 20/20/.275 season, and Davey Martinez still platoons him! Eff off with the platooning–looking at the Nats’ lineup right now, and, well, it’s honestly not terrible.
Max Schuemann – Nearly made Max Schuemann the lede this week, but I was like, “Do I really like Max Schuemann that much or is it because I’m watching that Hitler doc on Netflix and he sounds like a name you’d hear at Nuremberg?” Think you see where I landed.
Lenyn Sosa – From Nuremberg to Lenyn? Now I just need the Padres to call up, Molotov Ribbentroppo.
Brooks Lee – Already gave you my Brooks Lee fantasy. It carved ‘Brooks was here’ on the wall.
Eugenio Suarez – If you pick up Eugenio, you have the added bonus of beating your opponents and them being like, “Oh c’mon, you have Eugenio! And I have Austin Riley!”
Leody Taveras – I’m a big fan of Leody. I like all the weird names from the Heaven’s Gate cult. Oh, and Leody has speed.
Lawrence Butler – Picked up Butler in one league and said, “This bulldog is heavier than it looks.”
Rece Hinds – When he was called up, I said, “(W)as called up by the Reds. In Triple-A, he had a 38.4% K% and hit .216. Oh, he’s gonna fit right in! If you be Hinds in hitting, you is ass! Okay with the foolishness, he did go 23/20 last year and 13/12 so far this year, so he has speed and power. There could be something, I suppose. Yes, “I suppose” is meant to hedge. I don’t think there’s much here in the big picture, but speed and power and striking out? There’s worse things, I suppose.” And that’s me quoting me!
Matt Wallner – He is capable of a 15-homer half, i.e., Matt Over-the-Wallner. (He is in a platoon and might also hit .190.)
Xavier Edwards – Laura gave you her Xavier Edwards fantasy last week. She’s so good at these single leagues. The general gist, Xavier has crazy speed. The General Gist was also my high school band. You might remember us from our single that charted in Lithuania, “She’s Complicated Like Long Division.”
Jose Quintana – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the Baskin-Robbins.
Miles Mikolas – This is also a Streamonator call. “Out of the 31 flavors, you have how many flavors with nuts? I see, and how many with metal nuts?”
A.J. Puk – This week I’m gonna flood you with RPs who aren’t getting saves, but who might get saves after the guy in front of them is traded. Hmm…That’s it. A.J. Puk. No, there’s more but I don’t trust them really at all. So, Kenley Jansen could be traded, but who’s replacing him? Justin Slaten? I ain’t Slaten him in for saves, ya feel me? Okay, stop feeling me! You’re creeping me out! Carlos Estevez should be traded, but the Angels are dumb and who’s replacing him? Luis Garcia, the other Luis Garcia? Maybe. Also don’t mind Matt Moore and Ben Joyce. What about Kyle Finnegan? Yeah, maybe Hunter Harvey is worth stashing, but he’s been pretty iffy this year. Is Mason Miller traded? Sure, maybe, but who are you grabbing there? You’re stashing Lucas Erceg? Miller was great and only got 14 saves in 92 games. How many will Erceg be securing in another 60-something games? Five to seven saves? How desperate are you? No, I’m not asking because of your saves situation, I’m asking because I can smell you applied Drakkar Noir over aftershave after a breath mint. You reek of desperation, man! So, as much as it stinks (like you), I think Puk is the best bet for vulture saves, then play it by ear.
Ryan Thompson – Won’t get saves, but also he’s been great in middle relief, and he could show up at any high school reunion because every single class had a Ryan Thompson. “Oh, yeah, you dated Suzy, right? Yeah, I remember you, Ryan Thompson.” [face says I don’t remember him at all as I sip punch]
SELL
Marcus Semien – He got old. Let me put this in Semien terms. That towel that feels like it has dried glue on it? That’s Semien. He has a near-league-worst bat speed. His average exit velocity is 87.3 MPH. Let me put that into Semien terms. His stroke is slow and at the end of it you get a little sputtering bat hitting the balls that goes nowhere. His launch angle is down to the lowest it’s been in five years. In Semien terms, he’s taking a little blue pill but still getting blue balls. It’s not good! I wouldn’t trade Marcus Semien for a wiki-explainer to tell me who Trisha Paytas is, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
